Dating After Loss- A Mystery

There is no secret that life is hard and often unfair. I share a lot of my feelings either on this blog, within the safe zone of the widow groups, and Facebook. Don’t mistake my honesty for drama. I speak my truth for my therapy, for those who suffer in silence, and for those who we wish felt brave enough to. Dating after loss is hard. We have no clue how to navigate apps, games, and toxicity. There is no secret that it is hard to be alone and often that means filling your day to not experience the lonely.  (Grabbing drinks with friends, dancing, dinners out, yoga nights and weekends, and anything that does not require me to sit alone thinking. I date myself a lot. I am doing ok. I would love to find myself w someone else to share time and interests with. Life is so short so I try to let people in and try to live every moment.

I think I am doing a bad job of dating though. I am ill-equipped and exhausted by the small talk and time-wasting it requires. I am not the type of person who can simply play games waiting to reply to texts, date 10 guys at once, or act cold-hearted when I have interest. I am either in or out. I am honest and loyal even when people do not deserve my best.

Here are the things I tend to run into:

  1. The majority of the guys I encounter seem to have an interest in me only physically.
  2. Online dating most often means a bunch of wasted time texting people you will never meet.
  3. There is no respect people ghost/ditch/reject and harm you without regard for your feelings.
  4. Once you show interest back most guys freak out.
  5. The men who pursue me recently are aggressive and seemingly jealous, resulting in me wanting to run away.
  6. Guys send mix signals and it makes it very difficult to know what people want.
  7. Finding a valuable person seems to make men completely distance themselves.

As a confident female people probably assume dating is not even a concern for me. The fact is though I have had to figure out life alone. Deal with intense feelings of rejection from my late husband’s suicide. Have a guard up over the vultures that are only after one thing or see me as a target. I am like a fish out of water in the new world of dating.

It is not easy to pick back up and try again. I consider deleting the dating apps often and sometimes I do. Single people in their 30’s and 40’s including myself all have baggage or issues they come with. That is not the problem. It is finding two people who can get along despite those issues. Some days it is difficult to stay positive in the dating world. I am told daily how in order to date you need to play games. The longer I am alone the more I realize this is true. Being myself with a big heart has no place in the dating world. I am doing my best to not let down my guard again at least not for a very long time of knowing someone.

Here are some of the things I am looking if I meet someone special.



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