You know some days I just think about that day and Matt choosing to up and leave US. What about US? 12 years of friendship, love, mutual respect, good times, bad times, and he just left.
So now I am left to reflect on US…..
- Was it all just a big mistake for him?
- Was I not the right person?
- Did I not cheer for him loud enough?
- Could I have done better as a wife?
- Was I not making him a priority over the other jobs, tasks, distractions, and stressors in life?
Then I go reread our vows, watch a clip of a video we are in, glance at a picture.
I think about how he would tell you about me if he were here:
“She is beautiful, my wifey. She has the biggest brain. She is so strong and so tough but inside she has the largest heart. She gives and helps others before herself. She taught me how to love. I have no idea why, but she chose me to marry.”
I am able to bring myself back to reality, to stop seeing him lifeless. I am able to recall the sparkle in his blue eye. He did not always reassure me or tell me because it just was not his way. He felt things inside he just did not share. I realize now, his mental health and anxiety made it very difficult for him to share his true feelings even with the one person he trusted the most, me. My mind was aware of his limitations, and my heart had so much love for him even still. I am not sure that anyone will see me similarly or truly understand what Matt saw in me. To him I was special. Together we made US.
I still feel shocked at the thought that he made a choice to leave me so abruptly and without warning.
So with uncertainty, I crank up the P!NK a little louder as she sings “What about US?”
What about us?
What about all the broken happy ever afters?
Oh, what about us?
What about all the plans that ended in disaster?
Oh, what about love? What about trust?
What about us?
Written by Alecia B. Moore, John McDaid, Steve Mac • Copyright © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Spirit Music Group