The LIFE of a Widow(er)

The life of a widow(er) these are just some of the comments you see from the young folks in this predicament….

***I just want someone to care again
***I just want to cook for someone again
***I need a hug
***I am not a good enough single parent
***Why doesn’t he or she understand how long its been since I have dated…
***Why am I not enough
***Why did they go and leave me
***Why did that friend say they cared about me and walk away
***Why did someone just tell me to move on its only been x-months


(and for anyone who is about to say you have friends/family…. that is VERY different.

These are some awesome people stuck in an unfortunate club. Learn compassion. Watch what you say. They are doing the best they can, without the person they expected to love them forever.
Give some grace to the mistakes, brain farts, and emotions that come.

Imagine how lonely it is and how hard it is to get back into dating. How much courage it takes to even try. Imagine how it feels when people take advantage and use you for what they think a widow(er) is or has to offer.

Off my soap box now. This message was triggered by a man in our group who said “I am a good dad but even a good daddy makes a horrible mother.” THIS IS A REAL MAN!

One thought on “The LIFE of a Widow(er)

  1. Our losses are certainly not the same, no ones ever are, but I very much relate especially with the “you can talk to …” My little brother was so much of a part of my life, I raised him as a mother, I found identity in being his sister, and I talked to him every day. Even today I have moments where I think “Oh I have to show him that!” And then the penny drops. After a while, that penny drop translates into more of a longing for something missing or an angry “F&*K it” moment than bursting into tears, but it’s a feeling I think will always be there.

    Over the past few years, I’ve talked a lot with others experiencing grief and it’s amazing how individual everyone’s experience is even if their loss was of the same person/same relationship/same cause, It’s important for us to recognize that and in addition to empathizing, it’s important that we LISTEN.

    Lastly (sorry for the soapbox but your post reminded me of something), I have witnessed a strange phenomenon within a small portion of the grieving community over the years. A small few make a regular habit of minimizing the loss of others, trying to “one-up” each other and tell others that their loss wasn’t as bad, that they couldn’t possibly understand grief. These comments come out of their current place, their frustration, their loss, but it’s still so hard to watch. Personally, I feel a duty to care for those who hurt from loss, to protect them from the road ahead regardless of what started them on that road in the first place. Yes, I may have a better understanding of one type of loss, but that doesn’t mean that other losses deserve less empathy. Who am I to decide how important someone else’s loss was? What do I know about their relationships? I don’t, but what I do know is the tears they cry late at night when things fall silent and dark and that panic that sets in when they feel that familiar sense of being punched by a heavyweight boxer straight in the heart and their lungs refuse to expand even with the fullest breath. It’s a lonely place to be and as a community, we should be lifting each other up and providing our support because we know these feelings of emptiness and hurt so well ourselves ❤


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