The Holiday Season for Widow Warriors

This time of year is all parties, couples, and families. I have two parties on my birthday, Saturday. I will be going alone to them both. When you are alone it is a tough time. You reflect on your past relationships or in my case the loss of Matt. It does not mean make bad or desperate choices because you find yourself alone during the holiday season. It is the time of year to take stock of who you are and what you have.

Do your best to do you, love you, and the right person will take notice. They will be magnetically drawn to you for how much you respect and love who you are and how you live your life with passion and enjoyment. The right person wants nothing more than to be with you. The right person could not conceive of hurting you, leaving, or making you sad. The right person compliments all that you are and makes you shine even brighter. The right person cannot stand to be next to you without being affectionate, smiling at you, admiring you, and giving you a feeling of security and safety.

This actually applies to all people not just Widows. The holidays are emotional and filled with extra time away from jobs. Use this time to clean house (literally and figuratively), remove clutter, clear your mind, and finally tap into your needs, wants, desires, and goals for the future.

I consider this the time to reflect, think, ponder, evaluate, and shall we dare to even say… dream. Much like your performance review at work, I evaluate how I did against my goals for the year, and list new goals for the following year. I am not a resolution person. Most people abandon resolutions immediately after they write them down! I am very goal oriented.

Goals of 2017

  1. Survive the one year mark without Matt
    • (don’t give up/stay alive/keep job/maintain friendships)
  2. Get back to working out
  3. Get my body back and sexy
  4. Take better care of myself
  5. Learn Patience and Grace for myself in my new world as a Widow
  6. Walk the dogs more

I feel I have accomplished many of these goals.

Areas for Improvement:

  • Walk the dogs more
  • Have more grace and patience for myself this is a hard experience.

Current Goals for 2018 (work in process)

  1. Be more Assertive when it comes to personal relationships
    1. With men be clear on what I want and accept nothing less
    2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help/rely on people/or demand respect
    3. With friends that take advantage, are unkind, or create stress and anxiety cut them loose or talk to them about the behavior.
  2. Become Yoga Teacher Certified (already signed up)
  3. Formally work on my book proposal
  4. Walk the dogs more
  5. Consider public speaking about Grief, Loss, Widowhood, Suicide Survivorship
  6. Attract an emotionally available man into my life who wants nothing more than to be with me.

I would love to hear what your goals were/are and how you are doing on them.



Note about this blog post this entry is inspired by the widow groups hearing all of our collective stories about the holiday season, putting up trees and putting away stockings of LH. It is inspired by them and the collective dating stories. Widows get treated horrible in the dating community from all I see.
This is really a part one because I think there is more to tell here. It is also inspired by them because of how much effort that the Widows put into GOALS and improvement of self. We are strong and mighty and supportive of each other!!

2 thoughts on “The Holiday Season for Widow Warriors

  1. It’s ironic that your words inspire me when my loss was 3 years ago and yours much more recently. I take courage in your bravery. I know you probably don’t feel brave, most of us don’t when we are actually doing something worth recognition. I have no doubt that this past year has been so very hard for you and at times watching to struggle has genuinely hurt my heart, but watching you force yourself to get back up EVERY time is awe inspiring.

    In this coming year I hope to follow your example a little more. In the last three years, I have left home on average once a month to once every 6 weeks. If I stayed at home in my nice safe bubble then I could pretend that nothing had changed. I have lived in my cocoon where I can imagine he’s at work, too busy to call, there wasn’t that necessity to face a world without him. As I reflect, however, I have lost three years of my life. I have isolated myself from everyone, allowed myself to become reclusive and almost afraid to do even the “normal” things in life. This coming year I want to change that. I want to take a little bit of your courage, accept life for what it is and what it has been, and give it another chance because living inside this 11×15 room is no life at all.

    Thank you.


    • Amy I am so happy that you are going to work on getting out more. Maybe we can get lunch one day it’ll be a goal for both of us! Some days I feel like the strongest person in the world because there is no way more bad can happen right? And then it does more tough times occur. I feel unlucky much of the time which is not shocking I’m sure. I hope to continue to learn from other warriors, grievers, and am grateful that something I am saying is resonating. Support is paramount during the loss of anything (person, relationship, pet). We all need help, a push, and to feel connected. Thank you for all your kind words 🙂


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