I see things simply in black or white. I am a Water element you know. I am in or out. It is on or off. Together or not. Play hard or not at all. So why is the world casting gray on me?
Gray is the uncertain. It is potential energy, it is possible or it is impossible. Gray is rocky and not secure. Gray could ruin you if you let it. Gray could hold everything if you are a patient person.
I have started to learn patience and restraint. I am still trying to balance it with need, desire, and want. Where I fall off is how to be assertive and fulfill my needs while being patient with the gray areas in my life.
What do you do when inside that gray unknown there is something that you want? How much time and effort do you give to the unknown? How long do you sit in gray space afraid to speak out and ask for things?. How do you learn to be more assertive when you are trying to be patient?
I try to work on things to make myself better. My current list is
- Asking for Help
- Knowing I am worth it
- Stop overthinking
When Matt died the entire world was gray. Where will I live? What will I do? How will I survive? I have been forced to change so much so fast. It has been a lot of work, effort, and grabbing at driftwood when the ocean swells occur. I survived and now I want to be happy again. How will I be happy again? What is happening next? So much unknown.