Grief does not end – A different Ocean can bring you more Waves!

I dipped my toes in the Pacific Ocean. I thought why not try. It was a different ocean than the one I have experienced before. Bright and shiny, outgoing, and FUN. It was bullshit and false, like fake boobs and bronzer based tans.

Did you think Grieving serious loss meant that someone else could not DIE on you? Oh they can! I am now grieving two more deaths from one man!



Death of a spouse is ranked as the #1 Stressor. I am a 3 days away from 11 months without the man I vowed to spend my life with. I did not get a choice. I tried to continue a life in his absence. The effort and work a person puts in to get up again after unexpected and tramautic loss is nothing you could understand unless you had the unfortunate experience of endouring this hell. I wish this upon no one. Over the last few weeks I sparkled and found “happier” times. They were false, fake, and not meant to be. He would want me to be silent so he can continue preying on his next victim but this is my page and my life. I am taking back the silence, for once not listening when he tells me “be quiet”, “shut up”, “don’t talk”. He is a beautiful wreck of a demon. With eyes and a smile and lies that pull you to him, an ability to chameleon into what you always needed and then slowly remove the things you crave. He preys on woman who have real issues in their life. He will use you for money, food, or whatever other supply he needs. He uses each of his friends too. All of us have a purpose to fuel his ego. He needs serious help he won’t get. I am back everyone in WF and sorry that you had to meet such a fake. I am grieving the loss of my husband, the loss of my first attempt at meeting someone, the loss of the person he appeared to be, but I am not grieving the abusive, manipulative, controlling, false charming person he actually is. (yet me being me I feel sad for his disorder because it is one. I wish someone could help him to change but it is unlikely). I am so thankful I got out in 5 wks. I am sorry for the next girl because there will be one and no one can save her.

I do not need anyone to comment or feel bad. I just want to be honest about what I have encountered so that everyone knows I am ok.

I took back my voice, myself, my spirit. I did not break. If losing my husband did not break me there is no way this guy could. If you find yourself stuck in something similar and need help reach out. On the surface it sounds easy, see it, leave him, move on. But it is way more difficult if you have been inside it.

I do not know the numbers on widows 35 and under in the USA. I do not know for sure the numbers of Narcissists with Narcissitic Personality Disorder in the USA. But I bet you the odds of these two meeting each other and faking a romance is low.

I am all set with being the one to defy the odds. I just want to be “NORMAL”!

To learn more about Narcissism if you should need to for some reason. This is written by one. It will scare you and blow your mind. For me it helped me see that every aspect of us was tied into his NPD. He may even be a Sociopath.

Wikipedia Defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder as:

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which there is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings.[2][3] People affected by it often spend a lot of time thinking about achieving power or success, or about their appearance. They often take advantage of the people around them. The behavior typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a variety of situations.[3]”

4 thoughts on “Grief does not end – A different Ocean can bring you more Waves!

  1. Wow your story sounds just like mine. Lost my husband in June and met my Mr. Narc in January. I thought I found my second soul mate. He made me feel on top of the world until he didn’t. It was a hard hard lesson in life and I am still not over him a year later. I am so sorry you had to endure this…it is not easy but you will survive.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t even ventured into the world of dating. But unfortunately I have had a lot of narcissists in my life, especially my former in laws (yes, I call them former.) I have just decided that I can’t engage and put up with that emotional abuse. I hate using the word abuse, but I can’t think of a better word.

    I am glad that you were able to break away.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is abuse that has been hard for me to admit. I will tell you dating after widowhood is not going well. Also at my age most people are still in wedded bliss mode where they think life is perfect and live for the future.


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