“August and Everything After”

The title just came to me because of course listening to Music has been such an important part of my life re-entry.

I think I am starting to feel like there was truly  “August and Everything After” just like the Counting Crows named their album. August marks month 10 without my husband. In almost all respects I am further along than I expected myself to be. Things are not easy all the time of course but life is being lived.

  • Met a Great Guy in month 10 and we are dating and taking it slow. We do not do the heavy stuff yet. It is ok with me most of the time. I hope someday we will share more about each other but for now we are enjoying time together.
  • Continued on my path of not giving a FUCK about rules/the order of things.
    • Invited said Guy out to a house party on the day we met each other online asking if he wanted to break all the rules!
  • Purchased a new Jeep Wrangler Unlimited in month 10.
  • Took control of my health in month 10. Determining that I may once and blue moon need something to calm me down and allow me to focus.
  • Got caught up at work after weeks of beating myself up over being foggy.
  • Prioritization began that I was planning to do after month 12….
    • leaving behind a volunteer position that meant the world to meant the world to me at one time.
  • Stopped being a doormat to the people in the volunteer group who did not respect me enough to treat me well.
  • Broke away from my theory that living could only begin truly after the first year.
  • Stayed out having the best time until 4am. Smoked Hookah for the first time!
  • Put down my phone/laptop/to truly enjoy the moments.
  • Grieved on the 10 month mark by shedding a few tears and talking to my brothers.
  • Just like the medium said I would I began to put even more things of his away.
  • Stopped wearing my engagement ring on the right hand and put it away for good.
  • BE HERE NOW. LIVE EVERY MOMENT

There is no particular order of these things. I am sure a few of these things weave into one another. Life was meant to be lived. Driving the Jeep brings a smile to my face. Looking into his blue eyes even though I do not know what we will mean to each other makes me giggle. Letting go of things that no longer serve me makes me lighter. Happiness is sneaking in where all there had been was sadness, guilt, blame, shame, and loss. I am trying hard to make sure that I recognize the progress, know it is coming from me and me alone. Yes meeting a great guy is wonderful and fantastic but I do have to give myself credit for my progress apart from him. I am ready to date him because of this progress.

 

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Dating… is that what you call it?

Am I crazy?
I want to go out on actual dates and get to know someone. I don’t want to live on the apps forever and I don’t want to be stalked either. So I do not want to provide you all my personal info right away. Did you just ask me for my Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Spotify, & phone number all within 4 minutes of messaging me?

On Inviting me to Netflix and chill:
Why do guys think a girl would go to their house when they do not know them? What girls are going because clearly someone is taking these guys up on the offer?

Why did I bother with my bio?
The slackers that are on the site clearly could not be bothered to read it anyways. Most do not put any effort into their bio. Leaving you with no information so even if you find them remotely attractive you have no idea what to even talk about or ask after you swipe and match.

Things I included on my bio:
My interests so that the person could have some ideas on what to talk to me about. Things that some guys may not like so that would rule out people who I could not be with. “Must love dogs”- for example. I included the fact that I am a widow. I finally put something about “looking for a quality guy who actually dates and courts a woman – no one night stands”. I include some pictures that are really me, that are not taken in bathrooms, that are not old. I did not borrow someone’s kid or pet

A few images to show you the types of messages I get first:

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Dating Sites Tried so far: Match.com, Plenty of fish, OK Cupid, and Tinder.

I am currently on Cupid and Tinder.

First date:

Meeting at a bar in Raleigh: Guy shows up with a tank top and sits at the bar waiting for me to arrive. We remain at the bar to have drinks and never get an actual table. Apart from his lazy apparel he has never had a relationship that lasted more than a year. He struck me as young minded in terms of relationships and perhaps he is more interested in men than women and is not aware of this. He was friendly and nice, he did pay the bill (drinks and a shared appetizer). No spark. No real effort. (Plenty of Fish)

Second date:

Guy messages me lets me know he will deploy in a couple of months. I thank him for his service and say it is not good timing to meet. He does not like my answer and persists a few hours later. Assuming he would not join I say if you are in need of a night out you can meet me out with my friends. He does show. He is cute. We drink and actually kiss (my first kiss since my husband passed away). We hang out the next day as we hit it off. And then he got crazy, angry, bitter, strange, and clingy. By day 5 he had to be blocked. (OK Cupid)