When my husband passed away I did not have a note. I did not have a warning. I did not have any preparation that he was going to do this. I had shock. After all the planning that I did for the services and my time off from work. I still had nothing but questions remaining .
WHY? WHY? WHY? and What did I miss that killed him? How could I have stopped this?
A few of my long time friends suggested that I go see a medium. I had never done it. I did not want to made a fool of or taken advantage of. I just was not sure. Looming over me were the questions.
On April 19th after months of waiting (this person books 4-5 months out easily). I went to see this highly recommended medium (who does Reiki and psychic work too).
I just want to cut the suspense for you so that you can freely join the ride and hear the importance…. this was the BEST DECISION I MADE. This was a TURNING POINT in my grief journey. I am beyond thankful I went.
That said do your research on who you go to there are people who are not so honest in this industry as with any.
April 19th a Tuesday:
I went into her office and laid down on the massage table. She looked into my chakras and energy and found everything to be closed off. Normal for what I had gone through. She immediately noted I had been around significant amounts of loss. I said nothing.
The medium mentioned that two spirits had interest in coming through. She said one is male and one is female. The male is younger. I said nothing. *Secretly hoping she picked the younger male. She did. Immediately her head began to hurt badly and she right away asked did this person shoot himself and then as I shook my head no her throat constricted to the point where she could barely breathe. She knew. I knew. He died by hanging. Nothing needed saying. He showed her where he did it and quickly asked her to leave the house with him as he preferred to be in nature and outside. She described the view he showed her and it was our land creek and all.
When it came down to it there were many important things mentioned. I had questions but held them to the end or did not ask at all because I wanted this to be pure. I was worried to tip the answers. I was hot as can be while he was there and I felt a heavy presence around me like the air had changed.
He showed her a kaleidoscope of dark images. The inside of his mind and the dark thoughts that had been plaguing him. She mentioned this had gone on so long.
He expressed his love for me and apologized several times. He immediately wanted me to understand that it was not my fault at all. That this was his own view of things, it was in his head. He wanted her to tell me “it was his shit it was all my shit” and “his head was fucked up”. I remember her struggling to swear as she does not like to and his persistence to get me to understand with those words. He said I could not have done anything to save him. He did not have the words to tell me what was wrong. I could not have asked one extra question. Even if he had the words he was ashamed and would not have asked for help.
He thanked me for showing him love (which was similar to our wedding vows he wrote so that really stuck out).
When I did ask later why did you get so angry with me he showed her that he wanted me to turn my back on him for a long time so that when he left this would not hurt so much. He showed that I never did turn my back on him.
Besides some of the things that were poignant surrounding the suicide he provided clarifying small things that showed us married (symbol of two rings entwined) an image of someone with his same name that happened to be the medium’s son so that she could qualify to me who he was. He even made sure he mentioned things that I said out loud to other people (like when I was in the car with a friend telling me about where his parents have homes he showed those states to the medium).
Then he went into different areas of my life.
- He asked me to watch out for one of our friends and I have since severed ties with him.
- He mentioned he was glad that family had his things (especially the one with the watch he showed the image of the band). That was someone he was very close to. He showed my large family as warmth and that we kept him alive longer than he would have been.
- He mentioned work would continue to open doors for me.
- He was happy to have the chance to get some of this out. He was happy I came.
- He expressed that he could not show me love and affection properly because he did not know how to and had not seen it growing up.
- He expressed that I would find love again and he would make sure they were not a “scumbag” (which is what I used to call all the people I dated before him except for one guy).
- He said I may have a daughter someday maybe.
- He mentioned dates that would be important or turning points (september in NY)
- He told me to live, dance , and be happy
- He would see me in the birds and nature and he will be watching out for me. (He told me he comes a lot but I do not pay attention).
The way I understand it is that they “speak” in symbols, images, and show the story to the medium. She is there to interpret them for us. It is an amazing experience. Go in skeptical but open.
I went back to this same medium in June on the 22nd because she had an opening and I happened to be home. My husband came through but also said he wanted this time to be for me so that I can work on the other things like Energy, Chakras, and my future.
Year to Date I have seen 2 mediums 4 times. There is a lot of the same things and consistency in the messages. The first reading is the one I have highlight because it was the most comprehensive and the one that helped me move forward the most. I also saw the other medium I believe in May and then again on the 21st of July along with a lot of work on my energy.
- Both mentioned it was his issues only not anything with me
- Both mentioned finding love again
- Both mentioned the possibility of a daughter
- Both expressed that my husband was in severe and intense pain on this Earth
- Both let me know he is in heaven and doing well and living in nature
I am withholding some information on here because it speaks to my future and affects others so I will not share that.
The day after the first reading I flew home and looked outside and the Cardinal was there for the first time watching out for me. He came again at the 6 month anniversary of his passing. Another time the day of the tattoo. He comes now and again to see and check on me but I know sometimes I am not paying attention.