It would be 5 years

To my husband on this day:

Thank you for the time we had together. Today would have marked 5 years of marriage but it was not to be. We spent almost 12 years together and I am so appreciative of our time with one another. Our lives were cut short. I know you are safe and in heaven. Please keep sending me your good thoughts and watch over me. I need your guidance to help me navigate this new life. I was a lucky girl because you chose me and made me a better person.  

Who would have thought that death would hit us at such a young age. I miss you and our dreams. Please help me find strength to continue on. Thank you for visiting me I see you in the cardinal that comes by. I love you very much even though I struggle to know how to tell you now. I find that too much of your memory suffocates me right now. I am not willing to break down at every turn anymore. I stopped all that in April. Thank you for granting me answers and coming through twice with the medium. I know you want me to have answers and closure. (And I hope you’re right about that one thing but I don’t think you are I wish you would be, thank you for trying).

May you rest easy and be pain-free. May you fully know how loved you were on this Earth not just by me but by everyone lucky enough to meet you.

I could list all the things I love most about our life together and you but I just do not have it in me to do so yet. Instead I will leave this here.

No one’s ever loved anyone as much as I love you.

― Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn

Our vows until death do us part….

  • His vows to Me:
    I am so blessed to have met such a beautiful and intelligent woman.
    You have a heart of gold and it is amazing how much you give of yourself to friends and family. Because of you, I finally understand what it means to love someone with all of my heart. I can’t wait to start our lives together as husband and wife.
    I, take you, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.


  • My vows to Him:
    It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I’ve been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am. Today, I marry my best friend, and the person I look forward to spending my time with most. I promise to support your dreams and walk beside you, giving courage and strength. I hereby pledge my faithfulness. I love you. I, take you, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.


This is the last of the “big firsts” except for the anniversary of his passing I’m still standing somehow….


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