Where should all the affection and warmth and kindness go now?  I keep putting it in a bottle. The bottle may burst soon. When is the right time to move forward and pursue more than a friendship?  From what I read there is No answer to this. We should do what we feel and not worry about what others think.

I am reading Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen and it is wonderful. She is so inspirational when she speaks about life re-entry. She explains that you had a life you lived with your spouse, a life you live while your waiting and this is something we should keep to a short term. Then there is your new life when you embrace re-entry. When she said that grabbing your new life is hard because you are afraid to get hurt and experience more grief, that resonated.

I want nothing more than to take a leap into life and love but doing so means putting my fragile and vulnerable self out there.

I am forever changed. I am trying new things and new experiences. I am independent and strong. While I do not need a man, I do want to share my time with someone wonderful.  One amazing man came around unexpectedly and on paper I’m sure it seems ridiculous to consider me as anything more than a friend. But I do want to get to know more about him. Grief and fear hold me back. But really what else is there to lose? I have so much warmth, love, kindness and affection and nowhere to put it. It is more than lonely it is painful. More uncertainty and doubt in myself. My heart is ready to try but how do I proceed without knowing?