Within 3 month of my husband passing away I would encounter his birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New years. A lot of grief books zero in on how to get over these BIG MILESTONES in the first year or so after loss. They are times where you should be together with a day off or a special dinner.
We tried our best to celebrate him with friends and cupcakes and singing happy birthday to him. I knew it would be one of the last days I would stay in our house. For my birthday I made a decision on where to move next, purchasing a place. For the holidays I spent them very small with my immediate family only. Over those early months I was not seeing many people and I was staying in at my parents house in one small room most of the time. We were surrounded by Hallmark movies, wine, and in the safety of my childhood bedroom.
I found out of all of the big days the hardest so far was New Years when the ball dropped. It was a moment of complete and total sadness. I entered was thrust into 2017 whether ready or not and knowing that he was no longer going to be written into the story.
I will soon encounter our engagement anniversary, wedding anniversary next month in fact, and those will be two other BIG MILESTONES. The one that scares me the most of all however will be the one year of his passing. I know that day will be very difficult and will make sure I am not working and have time to reflect. October is not too far away.
I continue to do my best and to live but there are BIG DAYS that knock you down and some of those are just a random Friday like I had this past week. There was no holiday attached to Friday specifically but it was the start of Memorial Day weekend. A weekend of family fun, pools, sun and I was facing it all alone in a new home. Off I went to the parties solo and put myself out there as the new me, WIDOW.